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This manifesto of rights is for anyone who seeks out any form of sexual healing, coaching, surrogacy, sexological bodywork, tantric healing, tantric massage, tantric training, or any other form of sexual or sensual healing, teaching, exploration, or relaxation based on hands-on, experiential, somatic work. This is a companion to How to Find a Tantric Healer and How to Get the Most Out of Your Tantric Session.

  1. You can expect the practitioner to have a clean, welcoming space for your session.
  2. You can verify the schools, teachers, mentors, and training your practitioner has worked with.
  3. You will receive clear guidance on cost or donation for each session.
  4. You are able to set your own boundaries.
  5. All boundaries will be named, and the scope of those boundaries will be comprehensive and clear.
  6. You can expect check-ins throughout the session.
  7. The boundaries will not be crossed or loosened during the session — not even if you want them to!
  8. You can add additional boundaries during a session.
  9. You can expect to know how long a session will last.
  10. You will have the option to set intentions for the session.
  11. Any lapse or violation of these rights should be met with honest and authentic recognition of responsibility.

Commentary

The free consultation: Sexual healing is powerful, profound, and intimate work. This is not equivalent to an ordinary massage. The wrong practitioner, or the wrong experience can set back healing enormously, or add new impediments to your growth and healing. Accordingly, it is only sensible for you to have the opportunity to speak with your practitioner ahead of time, and to give yourself some time to process this connection. This may not be necessary for everyone (or for all intentions), but it should always be an option. If the practitioner does not give you this option, it should be considered a cause for concern. For more on how to get the most of your consultation, please see How to Find a Tantric Healer.

  • Intensity of touch. Some people have extreme sensitivity to light touch: it is unbearable. Others cannot abide intense touch.
  • Clothing. Tantric healing sessions are typically offered from a clothed or partially clothed practitioner to an unclothed receiver. But not everyone begins tantric or sensual healing with intimate touch, and clothing can be an important and unambiguous expression of boundaries: In some schools, clothes come off for both practitioner and client to eliminate all artificiality and all barriers to contact. In others, the practitioner remains entirely clothed. More commonly, tantric practitioners will remove their top in order to bring heart-to-heart contact but leave on pants or underwear to clearly indicate that sexual union is not an option. While different practitioners may bring different approaches to this, your preferences must be honored.
  • Fluid safety. At the beginning of your work with a practitioner, there should be a conversation about fluid safety and any areas of concern you might have, and any risks. The practitioner should be able to address your questions and concerns knowledgeably and with clarity.
  • Gloves. There are different schools of thought when it comes to the use of gloves. Tantric practitioners will often use gloves for basework (internal anal touch) but will more often not use gloves for other intimate touch: gloves impede the ability to feel energy clearly, and they reduce or eliminate the texture that comes with the delicate use of fingertips. Even so, gloves should be worn if the skin of the hand is compromised. Many practitioners use the “lime” test: if lemon or lime juice causes any sting, there is some fluid safety concern. Even so: a careless practitioner who does not thoroughly wash hands between clients could theoretically spread disease from one client to another. In any case, all practitioners should have gloves available, and it should be an option available to you. (Note: gloves are required by sexological bodywork practitioners. If a sex-bod practitioner does not use gloves, that is a violation of their professional standards.)
  • Environmental. Do you have preferences for music, lighting, scent, incense? A skilled practitioner should be able to accommodate your preferences, and be prepared to work around any allergies you may have.

Guide to sacred sexuality and sexual spirituality.

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